After the science comprehensive exam, I took my phone out of my bag and turned it on. Just as I reached the home screen, Paopaotang called. He said he was by the river. The river water was so shallow today, it felt like you couldn't even drown in it. I happily asked where he was, saying I'd come over to watch. He said he was at the bridgehead.

My younger self would never have imagined that on the night after the Gaokao, I would be thinking about my childhood with such complex emotions. I comforted so many people, only to forget about myself in the end.

It wasn't until the English exam that I noticed the curtain was broken, because only on the second afternoon did a little bit of sunlight come through—a rather bad piece of news for someone like me who loves basking in the sun. The proctor tried hard to block the sun, which was shining right on my desk, with the only remaining side of the curtain. I waved my hand at her, saying it was unnecessary and that I was fine, but she ignored me.

On the desk diagonally behind me, someone had written "Kudo Shinichi" in crooked correction fluid. Paired with the sunlight and white shirts, it made the whole afternoon feel warm and gentle.

After walking out, I saw familiar, smiling faces brimming with youth. I saw the shallow river water, and I saw the sky waving with gauze-like clouds, stretching faintly into the distance. It was as if I were watching this whole bunch of idiots' high school lives just flowing away. My mood wasn't the "sigh of relief" our head teacher used to talk about. There was only defiance.

I tossed my stationery into the trash can, as if discarding the grime that had accumulated bit by bit over these years. Yes, no matter how absurd, no matter how unfair. I still made it through, along with a group of others. I made it through. Perhaps on this day next year, or long after, I will forget this feeling, this mood, and say to the kids about to take the Gaokao: "I took the Gaokao back then, eh, what was it like? Anyway, relax, the Gaokao isn't that scary."

It's not that scary; as long as it's something you can do, it's not scary. What's scary is that you don't even dare to face it. Right, I didn't even dare to face it. It's meaningless, saying things like that. What a coward.

So, I still don't intend to get to the point. It's not like that, it's clearly not like that. If it's my fault, just let me torture myself. You could actually... not be sad.

     ——The Gaokao I dreamed of in my sleep
2016.6.9