Teenagers at the age of sixteen or seventeen are like the fragrance of green apples in an orchard, possessing a charm that exists before maturity.

Just as a famous poet once wrote:

When I was twenty, I loved the shy smile of a seventeen-year-old girl,

And I still love it when I am eighty.

Girls chat and laugh heartily about the variety shows they watched yesterday, a group of basketball-playing boys argue over who will be the star of the future championship team, and the crowds on the way to school make the whole city feel alive. These smiling words float above the city, as if making the flowers on both sides of the road bloom. As a result, the weather gets better, the air gets fresher, and even the old man walking his dog in the morning becomes more amiable. There are countless literary works praising the youthful body; every author whose name you can mention has sighed for youth. In short, children of this age are like flowers, emitting the fresh scent of apples regardless of their height or weight. However, it must be admitted that even a high school life full of vitality needs some gloomy oddballs to get by. Just as red flowers need green leaves and top students need underachievers, a vibrant youth also needs its unique other half. You foolish boys and girls should sincerely thank those who sacrifice themselves to set off your youthful vitality.

While I was declaring this in my mind, I bought two steamed buns and a cup of soy milk as usual. Walking on the road, eating and letting my mind wander, I finally felt like an outsider in this age of youth. I used my hand to tidy up my messy hair, only to see a boy in front of me bowing his head, gently wiping his bright white shoes with a wet wipe, while the girl waiting beside him looked on with smiling eyes. After thinking about it seriously, I messed up my hair again. Sure enough, I am out of place with the youth on this road.

I walked to my seat in the back row three minutes before class started.

Every time I enter the classroom, I have an illusion that my arrival lowers the temperature of the room slightly, just like that moment when a noisy evening self-study session suddenly goes quiet.

I don't know everyone in the class completely because I took a year off, so all my classmates are new. My previous class didn't have any friends good enough to cross grade barriers and come downstairs to chat with me. If I encounter a very familiar classmate from my class waving and greeting me on the road, the best solution is to pretend to be nearsighted and then quickly but unobtrusively shift my gaze and walk past with my head down. After all, waving back only to find that the person they were greeting was someone walking behind you is the kind of thing that could be written on the first page of the school's awkward moments directory. If you walk past pretending not to see them, even if the greeting was meant for you, they will just think it was a coincidence that you didn't notice.

Of course, waving back even if they weren't greeting me might count as a small encounter, but if they are a mean person, the topic of me being delusional on the street the next day would drift to every corner I could hear (I have never been afraid to use the greatest imagination to guess the vibrant youth).

Because the number of students in other classes in the new school year was relatively large, the considerate grade director threw me into the best class. I was just a bit curious why he pretended not to know me, even though I had brought two bottles of Moutai to his house for lunch a few days ago. But having a bad memory is a minor flaw in the benevolence of a people's teacher. Adults are truly trying to make themselves shine at all times.

In short, on the first day of school, I carried a desk to the very back and sat down.

The homeroom teacher walked into the class and told everyone that a new student was coming. Then I carried my bag and a set of desk and chair, following behind. I found a seat in the back row under everyone's gaze, organized my things, and stood up to introduce myself.

This moment always makes me feel like I'm on pins and needles. For example, returning to my seat under everyone's gaze after being late, or making everyone wait for me to tie my shoelaces while playing basketball in PE class. I was looking out the window, letting my mind wander about these uncomfortable moments, when suddenly the classroom went quiet. Just like in the cold-blooded moments when the homeroom teacher suddenly appears, a girl walked in from the door carrying a desk. This sudden sense of déjà vu pulled back all the thoughts that had opened countless threads in my mind. I just stared at her like everyone else as she carried the desk to my side. When she put it down, she smashed her foot, stomped her foot hard after moving it away, and then went back to get the chair.

After going back and forth, she finally had time to express her confusion to me, "Hello? My name is He Rushi."

Only then did I realize I had been looking at her for too long, so I waved my hand and continued to look out the window. I vaguely heard someone introducing themselves next to me and whispering to her not to mind, as I am like this to everyone. Unfortunately, their whispers always happen to be within the range I can hear. It's not that I care about their discussion behind my back, but I feel guilty for hearing things others don't want me to hear.

In the short week of high school life that had just begun, in the exclusive corner at the back of the classroom, that was how I welcomed an uninvited guest. Fortunately, she wasn't like the meddlesome bystanders in books who would try to wake me up when I was sleeping in class. Sometimes, when I woke up in a classroom where everyone was focused, there was even someone sleeping next to me; such moments bring a strange sense of security. After a week, I had barely gotten used to having a deskmate who read novels, slept, and dragged me into conversations during class.

What kind of person is He Rushi?

To put it briefly, she is the kind of person mentioned above who would wave to me on the street even if I were the one.

What a vicious woman, confident in her youthful, vibrant body, swaying wantonly on the street to attract attention. Even I, who am already on the verge of death, could barely control my gaze. If I couldn't help but respond at this moment, the school's awkward moments directory might issue a special edition just for me.

Of course, possessing excellent facial expression management, I continued to bite the straw of my soy milk and walked past on my own. But after walking past, I couldn't help but look back, wanting to see who the person who received such favor was. As a result, I saw her chasing after me directly, asking with anger why I ignored her. I had to readjust the focus of my eyes and put on an expression as if I had just seen her: "Ah, sorry. I'm a bit nearsighted."

She gave me a look as if I were lying and rolled her eyes before walking away. Only then did I remember that I had just helped her check if her name was on the duty roster on the blackboard yesterday.

Of course, I don't believe in this plot where an idol drama angel descends beside me. Every man who grows up normally will occasionally meet a few members of the opposite sex who are better than average to you. At such times, you just need to remember in your mind that the other person is a well-bred person who isn't afraid of trouble. Don't be overly confident and guess that she actually likes you. Perhaps you have some unique traits, like being clean, or liking to wear socks with cartoon images, but remember, absolutely, absolutely do not be overly confident and guess that her morning greeting means she has a crush on you. Those traits you think will make people's eyes light up are hidden in an abyss of darkness, perhaps to be explored by some adventurous explorer in the future who will see your shining points. But at this very moment, that beautiful woman waving to you on the street just suddenly wanted to show off her youthful vitality, and you just happened to be the person in front of her.

He Rushi walked ahead and then slowed down to wait for me. I thought of many reasons, but once I thought about the fact that the girl walking beside me was also a pretty girl, I couldn't help but become happy.

"This is the natural privilege of good-looking people."

He Rushi tilted her head, "Are you complimenting me?"

"No! I'm just thinking about whether it's a good thing that God gave humans aesthetics."

"Do you still believe in God?"

"No!! Replacing God with Darwin doesn't change the essence of this question."

"So you believe in Darwin, then?"

If every beautiful person traded their IQ for beauty, then I would have a little more affection for God.

Unexpectedly, after arriving at the classroom, He Rushi seriously told me that having aesthetics is a very important thing for humans.

"It is precisely because we know beauty and ugliness, good and bad, that humans spontaneously pursue beautiful things. That is why we want to record beautiful things; literature, music, and art are all essentially human pursuits of beautiful things.

If it were a world without beauty or ugliness, how boring that would be."

While she was talking, she took out the novel she was reading yesterday from her desk. After a while, she turned her head to me:

"Hey, you've been staring for too long."

I blinked to exercise my eyeballs and took the opportunity to move my gaze away.

"You were staring like this the day I first came. Could it be that your surface indifference is just a disguise, and you are actually a pervert who thinks about peeking at girls all the time?"

I sighed. I really wanted to record He Rushi's daily words and sell them at a high price to the boys in the next class who wanted to pretend to be casual and chat with her at the classroom door, so they would know what kind of person they liked.

"It's just that I didn't expect what I said casually to be thought about so much by you, so I was a bit surprised." It seems God is indeed not a fair person.

"So you are complimenting me now?"

"No... where did this come from? I have never complimented you."

"The words spoken during this week of having a deskmate were probably the amount of a whole year before. I originally thought it was the chemical reaction brought by the creature called a deskmate, but thinking of the deskmate from last year whose name I am about to forget, and then looking at He Rushi.

She is indeed a very strange person, at least meeting her at the same intersection every day is very strange.

It had only been a week, and I had already started to get used to He Rushi appearing at that intersection and waving at me when I had finished my steamed bun and still had half a cup of soy milk left. Then, when I walked to her side, she would walk with me.

"Do you know that when I wave to you, you should also raise your hand to respond?"

"Like this?"

I raised my left hand, fingers together.

"Are you a traffic police officer? If you're waving, you have to swing your hand."

I flicked my palm with my wrist.

"You... I... Forget it, whatever."

How could I not be able to do the simple action of waving? Even if I hadn't done it myself, I must have learned it by watching her wave every day. It's just that seeing her teaching me so seriously made me curious about how to teach someone to wave.

The next day, after finishing in the restroom and preparing to go out, I turned my head and saw myself in the mirror, and for some reason, I smiled and waved at him. Don't tell me, at that moment, I also felt the youthful flavor overflowing from me. So I stepped back and waved a few more times, only to remember that time was running out and I had to leave quickly. Because I was walking fast, when I saw He Rushi waving, I hadn't finished my steamed bun yet, so I raised the bun I was holding in my hand. Just as I was about to wave, I realized the bun was still in my hand and quickly pulled it back.

"What kind of action is that? Are you waving?"

"Just telling you I haven't finished my steamed bun yet."

"Haha, so stupid."

"Aren't we going to be late?"

I was puzzled that I left much later than usual today, yet I still met her at the same intersection.

"Are you the kind of person who cares about being late?"

"Yes, I don't want to walk into the classroom under the gaze of a group of people."

"Indeed, it would be like that if you're late, but why not just go in after the first class ends?"

I marveled at the genius of her idea, and also marveled that such a genius idea was actually proposed by her.

"Then what about the time for this class? If two people are wandering around the playground, they will definitely be caught and taken to the office, right?"

"Go to the cafeteria?"

"Teachers will pass by, right?"

"How about the rooftop?"

"Standing there blowing in the wind for a class? Forget it, there's an empty classroom on the top floor of our teaching building. I'll take you there."

When we walked into that empty classroom, the bell for class had only just rung for the second time. In fact, if we had run a little faster, we might have been able to enter the classroom before the teacher.

"Is it okay to skip class with me casually?"

He Rushi waved her hand, "You're wrong, it's skipping class with me. The suggestion was mine; you just found the location."

"Whatever, I'm just worried that your fan club outside the classroom door will blame me for leading you astray."

"Hahaha, if this can reduce some strange pick-up attempts, that's not bad either."

She walked to the window and stood still, and I leaned against the desk and sat down. I started checking if I had cleaned the eye boogers because I left too quickly, and then lay on the desk, looking sideways at what she was watching.

There was a special smell in the quiet air, as if a hallucinogen was mixed into the oxygen, making people feel inexplicably nervous.

"The school is so quiet like this." She turned her head and broke the barrier first, throwing words into the air like gravel, causing ripples to oscillate toward me.

"Indeed, it seems the school is always noisy and makes people sleepy."

"But now, instead, I feel like I can't sleep."

I reached into the desk box; sure enough, the novel I left before was still there. I took out a grid notebook from it and shook it at her.

She shrugged and also took out a pen, and started playing Gomoku with me.

"But this kind of classroom is more comfortable. Downstairs, the daily topics of the people around are always revealing a kind of confidence about whether to choose Tsinghua or Peking University in the future. I feel like I'm about to be squeezed out of the classroom by the constantly increasing atmospheric pressure."

I looked at the pieces she had scattered everywhere: "Is there no feeling that in this kind of environment, you also feel a bit more powerful?"

"Hahaha, don't tell me you can have this feeling. I don't believe you won't feel out of place."

Cleanly and neatly defeated by her, I didn't answer and started playing seriously. Only the rustling sound was left in the classroom, but the special smell just now had disappeared.

One notebook was almost used up. I put away my pen and stretched hard. Sure enough, she won almost all of them.

"I feel out of place all the time."

"Ah, what?" She flipped through her record page by page.

"The question you just asked me. But I envy them quite a bit. Being able to clearly know what you want to do, what kind of person you want to become, and being able to work hard for it. How should I put it, I feel like they are shining."

"Yes, yes, yes, there is that feeling."

"Sometimes I can't help but feel that I might have come into this world to set them off. After all, how should I put it, this world doesn't really tolerate people who don't want anything. If there is no meaning at all, then why do I exist?"

"I think..." She bit her pen and pondered for a while, then raised her hand: "Report teacher, I think this question is a bit important, I need to think about it."

"Okay, okay, but you also ask me a question, otherwise I'll be too bored."

She only thought about this for three seconds, "Question, if you could go back to the past, what would you do?"

I nodded, and the classroom went quiet again.

Generally, only people who want to go back to the past ask this kind of question, right? Wanting to go back to the past means something happened during this time that made you regret it. Something you would go back to the past to change at all costs. If it were me, what kind of thing would make me want to go back to the past?

Didn't get to see my favorite relative for the last time? No, I wouldn't. Among the deceased relatives, there were indeed those who were very good to me, but I have never accompanied anyone who disappeared by the hospital bed. It's not so much a regret as a redemption, letting the bad news I heard be filtered through other people's words.

Because of some lost romance? For me, who has been single since birth, this thought is enough to make me vigilant.

Perhaps it was an accident where I didn't save someone? Sure enough, the me in my mind is as righteous as I imagined.

Suddenly I thought that I lost interest in learning in the fourth-grade math class of elementary school. It was an ordinary in-class test. I looked at an ordinary area calculation problem of a shaded part and thought, a square of a number is adding a small 2 to the upper right corner of the number, so can I add a small 2 to the upper right corner of the abbreviation cm for centimeter for square centimeter? Being lazy, I realized that this discovery would save me a lot of writing; the character '厘' has too many strokes. After class, I couldn't wait to know the teacher's evaluation of my discovery, but in the next class, I was called to the podium and hit on the palm. I was described by the teacher as a slippery person who only knows how to be lazy, saying that having only small cleverness won't lead to success. He said this at the end.

As a result, when this writing method appeared in the textbook later, I realized that this writing method was correct. It turned out that I wasn't punished because I wrote it wrong, but just because I didn't write it according to his requirements. This discovery made me lose confidence in learning instantly; learning is just a process of following the beaten path and plagiarizing others. If I could go back to that time and make myself not think this way, I should be a shining top student now, right?

What the hell, it turns out that I still admire those who shine in my heart.

"I thought of 'I think, therefore I am'."

He Rushi finally spoke before my thoughts drifted further and further away.

"When you think about what the meaning of your existence is, the meaning of your existence is there."

"So the meaning of my existence is to find the meaning of my existence? Can I really get points for this?"

"I think it's endowment. The meaning of life is to endow life with meaning. Have you seen Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"Fullmetal Alchemist?"

"No, no, How the Steel Was Tempered."

"This is the first time I've heard someone abbreviate this book like this."

"That passage by Pavel Korchagin, I don't remember the original text clearly, it's probably about being able to say when you are dying that you have devoted your youth to a great cause or something. It's actually endowing life with meaning."

What He Rushi wants to say here should be this passage:

The most precious thing for a person is life. It is given to us only once. A person's life should be spent like this: when he looks back on the past, he will not regret it because of wasted time, nor will he be ashamed of being idle. In this way, when he is dying, he can say: 'I have devoted my whole life and all my energy to the most magnificent cause—the struggle for the liberation of mankind.'

"Then will life allow the meaning endowed to it to be living like stagnant water? When I am dying, I can say: I have devoted my life to my wish—to spend my life like a salted fish."

"Hahaha, life shouldn't mind. Dreams may have high and low distinctions because dreams are for others to evaluate. But the meaning of life shouldn't be about whose life is more worthwhile, right? 'Living in the world, like a traveler on a long journey.'"

"No, I can't accept that you talk more depressing than me. How can I maintain my persona like this?"

"Teacher, how is my answer?"

"So-so, the points are all reached, but they are not marked with numbers. I have reminded you countless times, one, two, three, four, answering questions must be one, two, three, four!"

"Hahahahahaha, please don't imitate Old Shen, I'm starting to get sleepy. Then what about my question?"

"Seriously, I didn't expect it. Usually, people only want to go back to the past to save something. But I feel like I don't really need this skill."

"It's impossible not to have even one regretful thing."

"Of course there are regretful things, or rather, there are countless regretful things. But there is nothing I regret enough to want to change."

"That's because you know in your consciousness that this cannot be changed, but now the setting is that you can."

"No, no, I think, regretful things and happy things are exactly what past experiences have made me who I am today. It's better to say that regretful things are more helpful in creating a person's character. After all, people's memories of pain are often deeper."

"What a person who looks forward, this is your golden quality, teacher. But usually, people with this quality have a bumpy road."

"Not necessarily, not necessarily, those who can withstand pain can shine in pain. What about you, what would you do if you went back to the past?"

"I don't know, but this is the setting."

"Setting?"

"I came from the future."

"Ha?" I can see that He Rushi is deliberately posing in a very cool way.

"Want to go back to the past to do something, but the time machine had a problem, causing me to lose my memory, and I can't remember the purpose of my return to the past."

"Oh. I see, this kind of setting, huh."

He Rushi, oh He Rushi, you are getting further and further away from your image in the fan club.

The bell for class finally rang. He Rushi quickly put away the things, paper, and pens on the desk.

"I don't know whether to say this class was long or short, let's go, you have to keep the matter of going back to the past a secret."

I still quite like keeping secrets for people, because I don't need to do anything to do it.

"Got it, I'll tell you a secret of mine later too."

We both found that even if we walked into the classroom with our bags during the break, it was still very conspicuous, so we hid the books we were going to use in our coats and walked into the classroom, leaving our bags in the classroom upstairs. This class did feel long and short. We clearly did a lot, played a whole notebook of Gomoku, and talked for a long time, but it was only one class period. But it didn't feel hard to endure. Looking back, it didn't feel like that long forty-five minutes. Only when the bell rang did I feel that it was already a class.

I don't know if Einstein is willing for me to use the theory of relativity in these places, but time is indeed too magical. It even makes people feel that such subjective things are written in objective physical formulas, will there really be no problems? Tick-tock, tick-tock, can one second really stack up to a full forty-five minutes? I am actually experiencing the long two thousand seven hundred seconds countdown of forty-five minutes every day.

"Usually, the next development of the story is that I will help you find the purpose of going back to the past."

"Before that, tell me your secret first."

"Ahem, do you really want to hear it? Actually, I don't really want to drag you in."

At the time, I just felt that after hearing her secret, I should also reciprocate with one, but now that I think about it, I really don't want to say it.

"Nonsense."

"Okay, actually, I am the child of the Sun God."

He Rushi's action of holding the cup froze for a while, "It's a good thing I didn't drink water just now. Why didn't I notice before that you are so competitive? Can I take this as a declaration of war? As far as I know, even in the technologically advanced 2060, there has never been any real proof of the existence of supernatural phenomena. No, rather than saying it hasn't been proven, it's more like it has always been a group of charlatans having fun by themselves. Anyone with scientific common sense wouldn't think of the world in this direction."

Although I don't know how the topic suddenly turned to the existence of war, even if it is inappropriate, there is no reason not to accept such a challenge. "This just shows that our transformation is very timely and correct. Since the industrial revolution and the technological explosion, the prophets of the God race have been preparing to move the activities of the God race underground, because the God race acts more as a guardian, but if they appear in front of humans on a large scale, it will cause uncontrollable factors."

"But since you say your dad is the Sun God, do you live on the sun? Solar probes haven't discovered any signs of life on the surface of the sun."

"No, let me explain a misunderstanding first. I am the child of the Sun God, but my dad is not the Sun God, and the Sun God is just a name defined for the convenience of human understanding at the beginning. Our true power is light. All God races who have awakened this power are called children of the Sun God. Similar to the Thor, whose power is actually atomic energy. But can you explain electron transition clearly to ancient humans? So of course we don't live on the sun."

"Well prepared, let me ask you a question, when did you start thinking about this, ah no, start discovering that you are a child of the Sun God."

"Junior high school, I guess. At that time, I just discovered that I could see the light floating in the air, and I thought I was sick. Later, memories about the God race naturally appeared in my mind. What about you?"

"I was probably in junior high school too. One day I suddenly discovered that what I was doing, I had done before, and then this phenomenon became more and more frequent. Finally, I remembered my identity intermittently in my mind, but the most critical purpose still couldn't be recalled."

"Traveler through time, let me help you."

"Child of Light, thank you for your help hahahahahahahahahahaha, I can't do it, traveler through time is simply a critical hit."

I suddenly thought of sharing the God race setting with my junior high deskmate, only to have him spread it around, causing me to be laughed at for three years. I suddenly felt that He Rushi became cute.

When going to school, He Rushi still greeted me at the familiar intersection. Looking back, it seems that I have never arrived at this intersection before He Rushi. If I had arrived at this intersection first, I would probably wait for her. After all, thinking about it, she would be too pitiful if she couldn't wait for me. I rarely thought like this before, and my attitude toward relationships was always to let nature take its course. I felt that this relationship was not a necessity for me, so I wouldn't pay too much attention to it. In fact, there were some people who approached me sporadically, but these people eventually walked away sporadically. Of course I understand them, who would tirelessly talk to a seed that doesn't bloom? Without feedback, there is naturally no interest. Perhaps if I were more proactive and cared more about the people around me, there could be some people around me. But I ask myself, am I really willing to work hard to exchange for a relationship? The answer I get is not positive.

In the end, I am not as afraid of being alone as others, or rather, I am more afraid of the burden of being with others than being afraid of being alone. So the conclusion that I would proactively wait for He Rushi is quite surprising.

"Guess what I'm thinking?" He Rushi looked at me with expectant eyes. Since the last failed wave, I haven't tried waving again. Fortunately, He Rushi didn't force it. She just turned around and walked with me after I walked to her side.

"You are thinking, I want to tell him what I am thinking now."

"No, you guessed wrong. Because I just changed my mind."

In fact, this intersection is already very close to the school. Usually, we can't say many words on this road, but even these meaningless conversations slowly became an expectation for the way to school. Clearly, I have had companions to go to school with before, but at that time, I either thought the other party was too fast or too slow, and the long silence of having nothing to say would also make people feel an inexplicable sense of guilt. Is it really because she is He Rushi?

"Did you notice that the cats on the road are all staring at me?"

"Uh-huh?"

"This is because cats are very sensitive to the flow of time. In the early stages of time jump experiments, we even used cats as the basis for whether the experiment was successful."

"I thought this setting ended last week. I can continue to accompany you in the game of going back to the past, but can you not mention the Sun God thing? I will break out in a cold sweat all over if I think about it later."

"No, Child of Light, you must defeat all competitors and become the true Sun God."

"Please, stop talking."

The Girl Who Travels Through Time

Autumn passes and winter comes, and "Seventeen" is playing in the headphones.

When I was fourteen, I listened to "Seventeen," which said that looking back from the age of forty, talking to the past self is a romantic thing. Gently rubbing the head of my younger self, telling him to be good, don't cry. Thank you for being so strong, so I can become stubborn later.

Thinking about it now, the gratitude I expected from my future self at that time should have come from a spirit of not admitting defeat. Even in the bumpy days, I firmly believed that I could walk out a path that would blind everyone. But before I reached forty, even I, who had just turned seventeen, understood that what I endured at that time was probably not worth remembering for so long. It was just being teased by a group of childish little brats who wanted to prove their maturity. They will never realize their mistakes and come to apologize, but I realized their essence and chose to forgive them. In a sense, I am already different from them.

But an apology is probably still necessary, not for me, but for those victims who will never figure it out.

Unfortunately, I don't have the ability to ask others to apologize, only the ability to let myself choose to forgive. The fact is also true. If you do a social survey, have you ever been subjected to school violence or bullying during your school days? I think the proportion will be ridiculously high. But if a question follows, have you received an apology after growing up? I think the proportion must also be shockingly low. This conclusion gives people the feeling that the group of people who carried out bullying back then seem to never grow up.

However, people are creatures who are good at ignoring guilt and living for granted, and life goes on after finding a reason for themselves. Bullies and the bullied are no different in this regard.

He Rushi pulled off one side of my headphones when I was about to reach a conclusion,

"Do you know? It is also a very impolite behavior to wear headphones when walking with others."

"Social survey, question one, have you ever been subjected to school violence or bullying in elementary or junior high school?"

"Yes, after all, I am beautiful."

"Question two, have you received an apology afterward?"

"Hahaha, no. On the contrary, I said a lot of apologies at that time. Later, after I understood that apologies are useless and that I wasn't the one who was wrong, I didn't say it again."

In fact, the answer is slightly different from what I imagined. That kind of thing where the whole class calls insulting nicknames, throws schoolbags around, and publicizes funny things to the whole school shouldn't happen to He Rushi. On the contrary, when I was in junior high school, I seriously thought about whether I could have a happy school life if I were a beautiful girl.

"I thought good-looking girls could get more preferential treatment."

"That's for sure. The first time a teacher sees a good-looking girl, they will think she is an obedient child. As long as she is quiet, reads some books when she has nothing to do, and goes home early without bad hobbies, she can become a well-known goddess."

She is bragging about herself, right? But it is indeed no different from my life experience.

"But everything has two sides. If I could choose, I would rather be a boy."

"I understand. This is the agitation of what you can't get. Just like when you make money, you say you'd rather not have so much money and take good care of your family; when you get into a good school, you say you'd rather not have such good grades and enjoy your youth well. In fact, what they want is to enjoy their current life while getting what they lack."

"Suddenly became excited. So you haven't imagined what it would be like if you were a girl?"

"I... no, no, I can't say no, but"

"Hahahahahaha, I think if you were a girl, you would be quite pretty."

The two sides He Rushi mentioned appeared one afternoon a week later.

As usual, which started I don't know when, after the last class in the afternoon, she and I prepared to go to an omelet rice restaurant on the next street, which was quite far away. The reason was that we were discussing whether omelet rice is rice wrapped in egg or egg covered on rice during class.

Before the bet was decided, the meal had already been delivered, and the two of us started to seriously dismember the omelet rice with chopsticks and spoons.

The result was obvious.

He Rushi laughed while eating the rice that had been turned into a mess,

"How short-circuited must one's brain be to doubt whether the egg of a food called omelet rice wraps the rice?"

"But in my impression, I really didn't see the egg underneath when I ate to the bottom of the omelet rice."

Sure enough, the omelet rice that has become like this has lost its soul.

The atmosphere created by the depressed me and the happy her was like the Jing River and the Wei River. At this time, a group of high school girls wearing school uniforms different from ours walked into the shop. The girl walking in front looked at us and blurted out,

"Ah, the skipping class queen."

Although the voice behind was quickly lowered, the surprised "ah" still attracted my attention. It makes people wonder, why do you want to say things you don't want others to hear in places where others might hear them?

I sighed at the guilt rising in my heart, looked up, and found that He Rushi had quieted down, and even her movements of eating had stalled. It wasn't until they ordered their meal and went to the seats they found that time slowly began to flow.

"Former classmates?"

He Rushi nodded.

"I see, that's great, to be recognized by former classmates."

If this were content in a youth cultivation manual, I should ask the reason now, patiently wait for her to tell the story, and then resolve her knot.

Don't be stupid. If I had the chance to give a suggestion to such an adolescent boy, my suggestion would be not to take yourself too seriously. The words you copied from QQ Space without any depth cannot truly comfort a person. Instead of trying to find ways to reflect your sense of existence at such a time, it is better to think about why you can't see the egg when you eat to the bottom of the omelet rice.

Perhaps, probably,

If I asked her the reason for her disappointment, she would tell me. But I am confident that I cannot handle a thing that can make He Rushi instantly depressed. Of course, I couldn't help but think of the possible reasons in my mind, and then put myself in her shoes to think about what words I would hope to hear if it were me.

The result is, if you want to tell me "it's okay, don't think too much, it's in the past, it's all their fault," please just let me be quiet and don't talk.

So I ate my omelet rice quietly. In fact, it was only ten seconds, and He Rushi also pressed the play button again.

I thought about whether to bring up other topics, but in the end, this dinner ended in silence.

When you think about whether something is inappropriate, what you are actually thinking about is whether the other party will care. What does it matter whether they care or not? It cannot change the essence of the fact that this thing is inappropriate.

But this matter is not without positive effects. At least for the period at the end of this semester, I never met He Rushi in the empty classroom on the top floor again. But I guess it's mainly because the weather is too cold, and there is no air conditioning in the empty classroom. I shivered while sitting inside, packed the novels, grid notebooks, and unfinished snacks left inside into my schoolbag, went downstairs, and pushed open the classroom door.

The math teacher looked at me with slight surprise, then looked at the time, and nodded to signal me to enter.

I closed the door and walked toward my seat, accidentally knocking down a classmate's book and picking it up for her. When I finally returned to my seat and sat down, the tense air finally unfolded, and the teacher turned back to continue his blackboard writing. I sighed, turned my head to look at He Rushi,

"Hey, you've been staring for too long."

"Tch."

"Also, the seat by the window is clearly mine."

She turned her head directly and continued to stare out the window, but I couldn't help laughing.

"If I raise my hand now and tell the teacher that my deskmate is a lunatic and it affects my study, can I change seats?"

"You have to talk to the homeroom teacher about this; the math teacher can't manage this. Also, please don't talk to me during class time, classmate He, you are affecting me."

I took out my book, secretly glanced at her page number, and started listening to the class seriously.

Snickering sounds came from my ears. I was about to turn my head to continue teasing, when I heard her say thank you softly.

Thank you for what?

If there is such a job where you can do a good thing without doing anything, please be sure to introduce it to me.

No, I do know such a job. But there was a person named Gorbachev who went to apply for it, and as a result, the company was gone.

But the interaction with He Rushi is like this. Clearly, nothing was done, but the things we did together are increasing. If the conservation theorem in human interaction really exists, then is He Rushi, who is opposite me and does nothing, the one who has done many things?

Looking back, it was she who greeted me first, she who waited for me every day, and she who first asked me to eat together. Although I have thought about greeting her if I meet her on the road next time, thought about waiting for her if I arrive at the intersection early, and thought about asking her to eat together, but it was all just passing through my mind. This kind of relationship makes people can't help but think,

Why me?

I moved the alarm clock forward by half an hour, preparing to arrive first occasionally.

As a result, I dreamed that I didn't get up at 6:30 for the 7 o'clock alarm, and arrived after He Rushi again.

I was relieved that it was a dream after suddenly waking up. But since I woke up, I was worried that I would sleep through if I continued to sleep, so I might as well get up directly. I finally had breakfast at home, and then went out at 7 o'clock.

The morning air had a cool moisture, and breathing it into my nose was icy. The owner of the breakfast shop I usually patronize was already on the side of the road. Now there were no people, so she had time to greet me. It turns out she knows me. I also waved to her, telling her that I had breakfast at home today. She said it's good to eat at home.

There was no one else at the intersection without He Rushi at this time.

I waited for three minutes at the place where He Rushi usually stands, and suddenly thought that getting up so early just to arrive before her seems a bit stupid.

But I wasn't stupid for too long. After ten minutes, He Rushi arrived. Her two gloved hands were covering her face, and her nose was frozen red. She was walking on the street where the rising sun was lifting the fog.

I understood why He Rushi always waited for me inside the intersection, because when walking on the road, if you suddenly find someone waiting for you at the intersection at the end of your gaze, you will feel like you have forgotten how to walk. Should I walk up quickly? Or walk slowly? Do I need to greet? Thinking about it this way, the steps I take will become more and more strange.

So I walked inside a few steps, so that He Rushi would only see me when she reached the intersection.

After she turned into the intersection, she looked in the direction I came from first, then stood still, breathing into her hands. When I was a child, I always felt like a fire-breathing dragon when it was time to breathe out fog. I asked for two cups of hot milk at the milk tea shop behind me. Then I walked over, patted her on the shoulder, and watched her shake in fright.

"Good morning, classmate He."

He Rushi stared at me while holding the hot milk. It's been too long, staring for too long, just think of a topic.

"Uh, I was just suddenly curious about what time you would arrive here in the morning, but you came too early, you. Usually, at this time, I'm just preparing to go out."

"How long have you been here?"

"Arrived around 6 o'clock, I guess, waited until I was almost frozen to death."

"Pfft, believe you, a ghost. The standard answer at this time should be just arrived."

"But it's really too early, it feels really strange to go to school now."

There were finally more pedestrians on the road. We were chatting while holding a cup of milk with the same movements at the intersection, looking particularly conspicuous. Even I felt a bit blushing, so we started to move forward.

"The first time a teacher sees a good-looking girl, they will think she is an obedient child. As long as she is quiet, reads some books when she has nothing to do, and goes home early without bad hobbies, she can become a well-known goddess."

He Rushi started the topic on her own. I knew that I probably triggered the plot, so I didn't make a sound, just slowly followed her.

"Seriously completing the teacher's tasks, playing the role of the 'other people's girl' in the eyes of relatives, I always feel that because I have received more attention from others, I must do better. In the end, I didn't get the praise I wanted, because it's me, so naturally, I can do the best. But the result is usually that compared to praising excellent people, people prefer to watch her make a fool of herself. Whether it's ridicule or criticism and exclusion."

"The surrounding environment is like mice gnawing at night, rustling, making people unable to be quiet. Thinking about escaping, I can't stand it. They finally laughed heartily, 'I said long ago she wasn't that perfect person, she finally couldn't pretend anymore.'"

Being good-looking really has advantages. Even if you skip class, you can still have the nickname of 'skipping class goddess'. Unlike me, I haven't heard anyone call me 'skipping class god' even after skipping class so many times.

"So change an environment, no matter how bad the result was last time, there is always a chance to start over. But there will still be some lack of confidence, can I really do well? I want to have a few real good friends, I can tell her that I can't do some things well. Listen to her teasing me instead of saying she doesn't believe it, I want someone to praise me and belittle me regardless of my appearance."

"On the first day of school, I walked alone on the road, watching the people around me chatting in groups. When the boys passed by me, their voices suddenly became louder, showing off their jump shot skills. Suddenly, someone was walking on the road with soy milk and steamed buns, wearing headphones, and even ignored other people's greetings. Do you know what I was thinking at that time? I was thinking I must not have this kind of black and white youth."

"As a result, I didn't expect that person to be my deskmate. During class, he was actually reading the same book as me, sleeping when sleepy, writing and drawing on the draft paper when awake, and staring out the window. There really is someone who can live completely without caring about others."

I heard that there is a bird in the world that can sing, and it feeds on the joy of others when they hear its singing. In order to survive, it keeps singing, keeps looking for songs that others like, and when everyone thinks it is noisy, that is when it dies.

"Even the people in the black and white youth I don't want have their own way of life, and I stood at that intersection on the way to school, but didn't know where to go next."

"A common phrase to comfort people is to look forward, but no one ever says where forward is. I'll tell you a secret, actually, every direction is forward."

"What if I jump up?"

"You're a contrarian."

Losing memory is cruel to time travelers.

If you lose all your memories and live like this, it's fine, but you still remember that you have traveled through time. Going back to the past was to save things that would be regrettable later, but I forgot what this thing was. I can only live carefully in everything, trying to do everything in a way that won't go wrong.

Afraid of making mistakes, so afraid of moving forward.

Sun God

Everything in the world runs according to rules.

Wind, rain, thunder, lightning, light, darkness, time.

Guided by the rules, humans work at sunrise and rest at sunset.

And the rules are formulated by power. The race that masters the power is called the God race. The God race lives in a higher-dimensional world, and every God race is born from the fruit of the World Tree at the center of the world. If a newborn has an affinity for power when born, they have the opportunity to become a person who masters power. These God races who have an affinity for power are—Children of God.

I am the God race with the highest affinity for light in history. Stars spontaneously turn into my eyes, and stardust spontaneously gathers into hair.

Light, darkness, and time, the three highest-level powers, divided the God race into three camps. Of course, traditional good and evil have no meaning for the God race. The only meaning of the God race's existence is to ensure the better continuation of life. The concept of the light camp is to let life develop on its own, the concept of the dark camp is to completely control life, and the time camp has only one Time God. He has been asleep for countless years. Dividing him into a separate camp is just because he is the strongest.

the meaning of the God race is the continuation of life. If all life is managed, naturally life will not become extinct. Since the appearance of the genius controller of dark power in the fourth generation, the Pluto, the dark camp has gradually gained the support of the God race. After countless years of time, the God race has been tired of playing the role of a nanny to help life move forward. My appearance is the hope of the light camp.

the Sun God hopes that I will descend to the low-dimensional world and start an eighteen-year mission to feel the joys, sorrows, and sorrows of life under the concept of the light camp, so as to persuade the dark camp.

Accompanying me is the wind in the state of the God race.

I experience this world, record my feelings, and when I am eighteen, the guide will come to take me away.

As soon as the boy entered the classroom, everyone laughed at him.

The bald head standing on the podium shook the notebook in his hand and asked loudly: "Do Children of God also need to attend class?"

Roars of laughter broke out.

The boy rushed up to grab the notebook. The notebook flew around in the classroom, and finally scattered into countless pieces and sprinkled down with a rustle.

"Child of God, you are the only one who hasn't handed in your homework."

"Child of God, I have something to do, today's duty is up to you."

"Let me introduce to everyone, this is the famous Child of God."

"Hey, Child of Light."

"Ah, what?"

"I called you several times and you didn't respond. Help me write the postcard too. I wrote it several times and it didn't look good."

"You have a good foundation, what does it matter if your handwriting is not good? If you scribble some round words and send them to a senior, he will be overjoyed."

Grass grows and warblers fly. As an excellent class, our class offered flowers to the graduating class at the hundred-day oath-taking ceremony in the third year of high school.

Originally, the plan was like this, but the monitor said that instead of offering flowers, it is better to do something more meaningful and powerful. So we went to buy a pile of stationery and notebooks with Confucius Temple blessings written on them. It is said that she originally wanted everyone to take these things to the temple to worship. Fortunately, it was rejected by the homeroom teacher on the grounds of not promoting superstition. Then, it was replaced by writing postcards in notebooks.

"Do you think anyone can really get strength from the few sentences I copied casually?" He Rushi bit her pen, with two failed works scattered beside her. I picked them up:

One is "I am most afraid of being mediocre all my life, and still comforting myself that being ordinary is valuable."

One is "Thinking back to the previous efforts, confidence will gush out."

"I think it's already very powerful. If I need to write this passage very sincerely, I would probably write

'It's correct to get into it, and it's also correct not to get into it. Life is not like a test paper, there is only one correct answer.'"

"That would be blown off by the teacher, hahaha, but it's very your style."

On the day of the oath-taking meeting, we lined up and walked to the stage. After standing still, we waited for the people behind to take their places.

Isn't it awkward to stand face to face with someone quietly?

"Hi."

A low whisper came from the opposite side. I looked up, and it happened to be a classmate from the class before I took a break from school.

"Hello, senior sister."

"Haha, junior brother, you feel a bit different from before."

The host announced the gift, we handed up the things in our hands, the graduates bowed to thank us, and then lined up and walked down.

"You have to work hard."

When I started walking, this sentence came out of my mouth, as if someone was controlling my body. However, it was so quiet that I just barely heard it. I don't know if she heard it. I looked back and found that she was smiling at me.

"So what did you write in the end?"

I handed the postcard to He Rushi, 'I hope you can watch the sunset on the campus you expect next year.'

"Sure enough, it's very ordinary, but why is the handwriting so good!"

Complaining, He Rushi added her iconic round font at the end—you have to work hard.

Class time was changed back to daylight saving time, and He Rushi continued to go home for dinner in the afternoon. I am used to eating at school. If I go back, I have to let my family cooperate with me to have dinner early. So I went to the cafeteria alone.

"Hello, junior brother."

I looked up at the girl opposite, with an expression that she was very happy to be able to call me junior brother, "Why do I feel inexplicably angry when I hear you call me junior brother?"

Because of being in the same class in junior high school, even in the previous class, this person could be considered a relatively familiar person.

"Then what should I call you? Lord Child of God?"

"Get lost, don't you have much time left? Why do you still have time to eat slowly in the cafeteria? Shouldn't you hurry up to explain your funeral arrangements? Or is it that you have already decided that you are going to repeat a year?"

"Oh, I was actually countered by you. But don't you have much time left? If I remember correctly, you are not far from eighteen, right?"

Plop, the boy looked blankly at the scattered papers falling one by one in the air. Tears fell without warning.

"It wasn't me who broke it, it was of poor quality and scattered by itself."

"Hey, he seems to be crying."

"Yuck, no way, is he an elementary school student?"

"What's wrong, can the Child of God still cry?"

"Okay, say less."

"Why don't you let me say it? Everyone saw it, and I didn't hit him. His crying has nothing to do with me."

"Forget it, forget it, if you keep talking, he will go home and complain to his mother."

"Tch, can't even take a joke, stingy."

"Hey."

The boy lying on the desk raised his head and rubbed his red eyes with his hands. The girl next to him was holding a neat stack of papers, which was the boy's notebook.

"I like the story of the Child of God very much."

The girl put down the notebook and walked away.

The boy picked up the notebook and was about to crush it and throw it into the trash can, when he suddenly found that the scattered papers were rearranged in order. This matter was so gentle that it could be recorded in the notebook.

"That setting has long been abandoned, okay."

"Ah, how come. I clearly liked it very much, so the diary later didn't continue to be recorded?"

"No, what exactly do you like about this setting?"

"I think this setting is very gentle. The gods are tired of protecting life and are ready to end their mission day after day. So they regain their love for life by finding gentle and beautiful things in the world. The god responsible for this mission came to the world to observe and record. As a result, he lost the meaning of life, which is ironic to the point of making people feel that perhaps it doesn't matter if the world is destroyed."

"The world won't be destroyed just because of one person."

"That's hard to say, but now I'm a little relieved. You when you first entered high school really made me feel that the God of Light was going to defect to the darkness. You put yourself in a safe position, interacted with people in a restrained way, avoided contact with people, and rejected everyone who intended to step into your territory. It makes people miss the child who could warm people's hearts just by writing. After that incident happened, you took a break from school, right? When I first got the news, I thought I would never see you again. I didn't expect that the feeling you gave me after meeting you again would be different. The world can continue to exist after all. Su Xia showed me the postcard you gave her and told me that this must be the power of love, hahaha."

"No, that was also written by me. I wanted to try to look a bit cheeky, but I didn't expect to meet someone who knew me."

"Okay, okay, senior sister, I'm going to continue studying. You also have to work hard to defeat the darkness."

"Thank you, Haruko."

"Ah, thank me for what?"

"Thank you for helping me pick up the notebook at that time. It seems I forgot to tell you."

Haruko smiled even more happily, as if she wanted to say something, but what blurted out was

"You have to call me senior sister."

When the graduates gathered on the playground to take graduation photos, the class was having a physics class. Haruko came to ask me if I wanted to take it together, and I refused on the grounds of having class. The weather was very good. If I were a photographer, the composition would be blue sky, white clouds, and green lawn. No matter when I see this photo, youth and hope can emerge in my mind. However, usually, such photos are taken with everyone standing in rows in school uniforms, and then everyone is included from a distance, and then everyone's name is written under the photo just in case.

Happily going to take photos with the dormitory aunt and the gatekeeper grandpa, chatting with the homeroom teacher with tears, worrying that their youth really ended without leaving anything behind. In the end, only they remember their youth. Dull, colorful, enterprising, regretful... no matter what, it is unique to them. The small touch that afternoon, the footprints drawn on the roof when it snowed, the unspeakable, indescribable youth that is as nostalgic as a code.

What He Rushi desperately wants to go back to this moment to change is exactly the most unique part of youth. Going back to the past to change one thing makes the future self change, so will the new self produce new regrets? All the changes that are kept in mind are actually herself in the end. The unique self that all things stack up to.

"I understand a little bit about what you said at that time, 'The meaning of life is to endow life with meaning.'"

Turning my head, I found that the physics teacher was standing next to our seat, "What you said makes sense, but get out for me."

To be continued

Unlike the scenes that have appeared many times in my mind, it snowed on my eighteenth birthday. It started at dawn, and by the morning, I could already hear the sound of pedestrians stepping on the snow. In this case, as soon as I opened the door, sure enough, the sixteen-winged guide was not at the door. What greeted me was a cold wind.

He Rushi was holding an umbrella and a vocabulary book, walking over from the opposite side. I tore off my headphones and walked up to meet her, looked at each other, turned into the intersection together, and then took her umbrella.

"If you don't use an umbrella, your clothes and hair will be wet when the snow melts."

"It's okay, just shake it off before it melts."

"Are you a dog? Question, deserve"

"Give me something harder."

"extraordinary"

"Uh, I guess it's an adjective."

"I won't tell you, go see it yourself. Do you want to eat something delicious tonight? I watched a food documentary yesterday, and I was starving when I was doing homework at night."

"Can't you put some snacks like chocolate on the desk?"

"Put it, but those flavors are too light. Sure enough, Chinese people still need to eat hot things."

"That's true. I had instant noodles last night."

"How can you eat instant noodles late at night! You'll go bald."

Dinner was at a barbecue restaurant chosen by He Rushi, and she also took the initiative to take on the work of ordering. After she and the boss talked excitedly for a minute, the boss took out a small cake from behind like a magic trick.

"Happy Birthday!"

Although He Rushi's abnormality all day made me guess that she was probably hiding something from me, it did not affect the happiness given by this surprise at all.

"How did you know today is my birthday?"

"Didn't you share a 'Seventeen' this time last year? So today you are eighteen. I was still thinking about how to liven up the atmosphere if you lost the election for the Sun God and were disappointed today. Make a wish, make a wish."

It's over, it's over, now the whole world knows that I was abandoned by the Sun God.

But perhaps there have been some changes in the God race, but these are things to consider in the future. The most important thing now is that He Rushi is waiting for me to make a wish opposite me, and the Sun God has never told me what I should do if I fail to return to the God realm after eighteen. Which power is responsible for fulfilling wishes for birthdays? Can you come and bring me a message, let me know what I should do later? Or has the order already been issued to my heart? Otherwise, why is what I keep wanting to blurt out now:

Want to be with the person opposite me forever.

Don't, don't, don't, I was just complaining about this just now, why does it sound like a prompt that someone is saying the wish is determined. World, the continuation of life, and the struggle between the light and dark camps, can't I change the wish to world peace? Or earning a lot of money and getting into a good university is also realistic, why has this wish just appeared in my mind and cannot be changed.

Ah, I know, all this must be the plan of the old man who has been sleeping all the time. It was he who sent this girl who traveled through time.

"I want, to be forev..."

"Don't, it won't work if you say the wish out loud. Make a wish in your heart."

Want to be with you forever.

I lowered my head and blew out all the candles.

"Do you know? I probably know the purpose of my return to the past." He Rushi looked at me, "Perhaps I went back to the past just to meet you."

What is this, confirming my guess? Sure enough, it is the good thing done by the old man Time God. Light and darkness are all played in his palm!!!

"Then, did I not disappear today just to meet you?"

"Maybe it's like this, after all, I don't know much about the God race."

"But, I still want to be my Sun God."

"Get lost."