Love her as you love yourself.

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I have been thinking for a long time about how to write this piece.

It seems there are only two types of people around me: those who have absolutely no interest in dating, and those who are perfectly content in their relationships. Oh... and as we get older, there is a third type: those who know they need to be in a relationship but have no interest in the process of dating. The former cannot understand the persistence of the latter, just as the latter cannot understand the dullness of the former's life. Both sides view each other from the perspective of a detached observer, waiting for the day the other finally says, "I was wrong, this is actually great."

I am the type who longs for love but finds the process exhausting. Or rather, I only want the love itself, not its byproducts. The guessing games, the mind games, the constant speculation about what the other is thinking, the wariness, the tension, and the sense of loss from being overly anxious—I don't want any of that. Because I didn't believe in it, I tried too hard to speak of love, only to be crushed into an ordinary mortal by the weight of the heavy love I had promised myself.

Going downstairs to the supermarket to buy daily necessities, taking a stroll after dinner to pick up a bag of favorite oranges, watching a movie together, each occupying half the sofa while scrolling on our phones, forcing the other to eat the breakfast I made myself, finding a holiday to go to the beach and staying in the hotel until dusk—if I missed that person, I could do all these things with a dog. To me, love seems almost excessively ordinary.

But people who are used to asking "how much do you love me" are rarely able to calm down and simplify things. However, what does how others live have to do with me? Anyway, this post is not a guide to dating.

It is no exaggeration to say that the moment I saw Ms. Xu, I felt I had fallen for her. My cousin, who enrolled with me at the time, can testify to that. But looking back, Ms. Xu wasn't actually that stunning; perhaps it was just because her smile made me happy, or some other trivial reason.

Back then, the Chinese teacher even pulled me into the office, telling me not to keep staring at my desk mate during class, and that it was okay to sneak a glance occasionally. I have known Ms. Xu for so long that there was a period when we didn't even need to speak to communicate; we would just blink at each other and both burst into laughter simultaneously.

However, I have always been quite restrained in how I view my feelings. Is it rooted in the initial freshness, the familiarity of knowing each other for so long, or just an obsession with something I could never quite attain? It's like liking Jay Chou—is it his personality I like, his songs, or am I just looking for something to like because I don't know what else to choose?

For a long time, I even doubted whether I truly liked Ms. Xu. But whenever we met, I never had to ponder that question. Even after many years, every time we meet, I can still recall the joy that welled up in my heart the first time I saw her.

But we actually meet very rarely. Or rather, for most of the time, we have been far apart. I used to think that when I could get closer to her, I would confess my feelings. As it turned out, the distance never changed, but time has carried us a long way.

Looking back, I feel this might have been the best arrangement. Perhaps a rash decision to be together would have come with rash luck, but even a one-percent chance of not making it to the end was enough to make me hesitate.

So I am grateful that the time we spent drifting allowed us to slowly mature together. The initial attraction based on looks has also grown into something profound. In the end, we didn't wait for that "perfect" moment, but for us, it no longer matters.

I have edited this post many times. After rambling on so much, I still feel there is so much I want to say and so much I should delete. But regardless, the main point is that I have finally fallen into the love I was longing for, and then I wrote a bunch of nonsense to prove the validity of that point.

Even if it can't be proven, it doesn't matter; I only need to convince one person anyway.

Nice to meet you, Ms. Xu.