This is a strategic deterrent.

{% meting "417596830" "netease" "song" loop:none"%}

Actually, I didn't intend to write such a long and messy diary at the beginning, but I realized that even though only two months have passed, I've already started forgetting things if I don't deliberately think about them. If it goes on like this, won't I forget everything before long?

She said that before I confessed, she had also thought about whether she should confess to me, but she is a very timid person, and I don't think she would actually do such a thing. She belongs to the type who, even if she knows she likes someone, would still choose to let things take their course like an ostrich. However, she only told me this later. But there is indeed an inexplicable tacit understanding between us; even when we haven't said anything, we can match up almost all the key moments when we look back. As expected, we are both people who are very sensitive to atmosphere.

At first, we both thought we would have a very plain relationship. I asked her if she could imagine what it would be like for us to be passionately in love. She said she couldn't imagine it, but she could imagine us living together. I felt the same way. But after we got together, there were indeed big changes, even though we had anticipated them from the start. Fortunately, we both felt these changes were natural. For example, we buy things for each other that we like to use in our own lives, and we step into each other's lives without any restraint. Surprisingly, it didn't cause any mutual aversion; it seems we should have been together long ago.

However, this "long ago" wasn't that early. I think the earliest it could have been was when I graduated. At that time, my mindset underwent some changes, and I felt her mindset had changed too. But it was all hazy and unsaid, so how would I know what those changes were?

Honestly, I feel that my previous relationship had a huge impact on me. Perhaps because it lasted for so long, even though we have been apart longer than we were together, I still have flashbacks from time to time. I told her it was PTSD, but actually, that's disrespectful to that previous relationship. I shouldn't completely deny my past self just because I'm with her now; I should learn lessons from failed experiences. A child who likes to forget their failures probably won't grow up.

Because of this, I sometimes feel a bit distressed. There are some things I've done with others, but she hasn't. I feel it's unfair to her. Saying it out loud feels like I'm begging for her comfort, but if I don't say it, she's such a sensitive person. I can't comfort her on this matter because it's all because of me. I said that perhaps everything I experienced before was just to be with you properly. This is a very clever way to put it, making it seem like everything I did before was for our future. I know it's not, and she knows it's not. At the time, I was indeed seriously with someone else, and this is the only thing I am speechless about when facing her. So I don't know if she is understanding or just silly, but she rarely brings it up.

As I mentioned before, during the process of getting to know her, I was always looking forward to meeting her. After we got together, we made a promise to meet on New Year's Day. After waiting for two full months, I kept wondering what it would be like when we met. But the result was different from anything I had imagined.

Love others as you love yourself. This is very simple; we have always done this with our families. There is a dad at home who doesn't like to wash his feet, a mom who is a neat freak, a sister who loves to boss me around, and a younger brother who does bad things with me but always secretly tells mom. We know their bad habits, but it doesn't stop us from loving them, because we have our own bad habits too. We are always forgiving ourselves, and they are forgiving us too. Why would I argue with you over things like slow replies or the restaurant I took you to when you were hungry happening to be closed?

While writing this, I wonder, if I were picking up another girl and went to the wrong terminal, what would she do? But at the time, on the way to T2, I didn't think about any of this. We have always given each other too much tolerance. If we go on like this, we will definitely be spoiled by each other.

Unlike the hugs when saying goodbye, a hug for no reason really makes one happy. We have traveled a few times before and lived together a few times, so we are quite familiar with this. We know how to keep boundaries and respect privacy. Even the closest friends wouldn't go into someone else's room and rummage through their closet. So, I wasn't worried about this trip at all. But when we were both sleepy but couldn't fall asleep, and she said let's watch a movie and naturally curled up in the quilt, I realized that we had changed. Specifically, I didn't want her to leave me anymore.

We naturally held hands while shopping, naturally hugged, and naturally kissed. Of course, there were some unnatural things too. I really don't want to forget the way she suddenly blushed and buried herself in my arms after we hugged tightly. Maybe she suddenly realized this was her first time meeting an online friend in person, so she suddenly got shy?

I asked her, "What's wrong?" She didn't look at me and said, "You're not allowed to ask." My god, if I weren't with her, I would have missed this cute side of her forever. I used to think that as long as she was happy, it didn't matter who she was with. Now, I absolutely cannot accept anyone other than me seeing this side of her.

There are all kinds of people in the world, I sighed like this at the New Year. They all have their own lives and their own stories. What does that have to do with me? Some people are rooting for our relationship, some are dying for us to break up, and many others don't care at all. But what does it matter? We are just taking our time and having our relationship at our own pace. Ten seconds before the New Year, we were lying down chatting, watching the second hand turn. When the new year turned, we turned at the same time and kissed each other. It lasted so long that I wished time would stop at that moment. She said that the past year with me was the happiest time of her life, and I said the same. We lay together watching videos: being together in an unclear way will end in a muddled way, so the sense of ritual in a relationship is very important. "Should I buy you a bouquet of flowers?" I asked her. She said no need. As a result, she secretly gave me a bouquet on my birthday and called me happily to say that she was the one who gave me flowers first, so she won. Silly, who else but you would compete over such things?

I think rather than love making people weak, I am more inclined to believe that love gives people strength. The messy room, the junior who says she likes me, the long and tiring journey—because I think of that person, the strength to keep going emerges.

There are many things I want to do in the future. She wants me to learn how to cook, but she doesn't like washing dishes. We also have to go to the seaside as we talked about before. And Harbin in winter, let her take me to see that place she complained about on the phone, saying she hated me but couldn't do anything about it. She also wants to go to the snow-capped mountains to see the world all white; anyway, we have both read The Grave Robbers' Chronicles, so Changbai Mountain would be great. Oh, and a road trip to Tibet. Even though she has poor health and is timid, she is so keen on exciting activities. In the near future, next time we meet, I'll take her to eat Thai food and barbecue. For barbecue, let's go to that place from middle school.

By the way, she said that when her best friend gets married, she wants to give him a big red envelope. I said I would too.

I don't want to forget any of these trivial details in these few words.